Nineteen

3/21/16

I held onto nineteen
For as long as I could
Probably a lot longer
Than what I should

But nineteen had other plans
She decided to let me go
And while I plead and begged
She still gave me an answer of no

"It's time to move on and live!"
"Show them what you have to give! "
But this was something I couldn't.

A fortress of solitude
Not knowing when
And never looking back
To a world of ten

And when you stop looking
When you stop and stand still
You will feel that change
You will feel that chill!

©Diana Jillian

Never

 *Amative--Disposed to love.

When you start walking my way

I will find a way to change my day

There is nothing you can ever say

I will always find some way to hide

I can never be this image of society

A never ending value of propriety

And those days arrive with anxiety

Fighting over physical and spiritual

Think the things you do or do not

Of what can, but not worth the shot

It doesn't matter if the feelings are hot

Butterflies in the mist can linger a bit

Of the person you expect me to be

I'm a lady of values, can't you see?

In another life, I suppose that's me

But not when I want a guilt free life

You will have to find a path that's new

I can tell you I'm always loyal and true

I only deserve a life unloved and blue

For I will never be an *amative soul

I find the theory of everything in sing

Pulling upon me like a guitar string

But still, I cannot go along this thing

Because I don't trust myself enough!

Touch the frayed edges of the rope

finding within, there's only the cope

While there is life, there is hope

My hope is already dead and gone

Myself; I am the only one to blame

Hush, hush because I know this game

Came falling down like a hurricane

But I will reason and wash it away

©Diana Jillian 2/18/16

Running

If I were to run away

Would you follow?

Would you be weak?

And leave me hollow?

Because right now

I need a lost desire

When hope leaves me

Treading through mire

Would you run after me

If I were to run and hide

Or would you release me

Wash away with the tide?

Because I need to know

Your love is strong enough

To keep me safe with you

That you'll remain tough

I need to always know

That you'll stay true

Despite any messes

I may put you through

If you can't do this for me

Please let me go and run

Let me go in that final peace

Underneath the blistering sun

©Diana Jillian 12/5/15

Battle Scars

The screams falls upon silence
She has no more left in her
Perhaps someday
But today isn't one of them

To find comfort is all for naught
For no one cares to notice her
No one cares about her feelings
Or whatever battles she has

She's left with battle scars
Something she wishes to erase
And become healed
To be like everyone else

Or at least the way they pretend
Because she doesn't know how
To play that kind of game
Maybe some day she'll learn

©DJ 11/18/15

DJ

It's Not You, It's Me

All I can say is, "It's not you, it's me."
It just simply wasn't meant to be
As I look for sales of the loans I made

I only know there's no amount of glue
That could ever fix my heart from you
But I know to never be friendly again

I've waited, I've searched, I've wondered why
I would be given false hope, and a gray sky

Whatever it was you made me believe
Was only just a plan for you to deceive

You left me to feel pain, to sit and cry
And now I have to go and say, "Goodbye!"
For what other choice was I given?

All I can say is, "It's not you, it's me."
It just simply wasn't meant to be
As I'll never get close to others again

©Diana Jillian 10/4/15




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(Poem) (Rhyme)

Gray Areas

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Far and wide across the Universe
And in the land of infinite miles
You'll find there lies a lot of gray
In between black and white tiles

Looking in a world beyond the stars
In through a world of crooked styles
You'll find between black and white
There lies a lot of gray-shaded smiles

©Diana Jillian

Still Life

Blowing in the wind
The dust that swirls around
With a broken heart
Smushed into the ground

If I told you to call me
Would you?
In a painting of still life
Forever blue

©Diana Jillian 9/15/15

At Land's End

Hi!

At lands end, we'll all play in the ocean
Kiss the sunlight, and sing to the sky
"Why can't we be friends?"
Because it's not something I understand

Our bones and blood are the same
We feel, think and breathe
So why is this an issue at all?
Why can't we all just be

Death arrives, but it's never final
We fly along side of the ocean
Till we reach our new destination
A new beginning to repeat it all

But we have the chance to change
We can change it all now
By learning from our history
Instead of not listening and repeating

At lands end, we'll all play in the ocean
Kiss the sunlight, and sing to the sky
It will be sung in a different tone
Forever to know, we're never alone

By ©Diana Jillian  7/19/15

--DJ

Weeping Angel

Fellow Whovian fans....Sadly, this post is not about the aliens called the Weeping Angels...Though one day, I hope to be able to write one! :)

--DJ





The question of a thousand dreams
Never turning to what it seems
At least not for her

She dreams her funeral will fill
Those who choose to visit at free will
But she knows differently

God has not granted access to free her of spell
By her shadow is where the dark angel fell
This world was never meant for her

She is ready; has been since being born
This soul she has is tattered and torn
Why has this dark angel not shown kindness?

Gone is what was once a good soul
Replaced with nothing but a gaping hole
She seeks freedom from this plane

Will she ever close her eyes for good?

7/2/15 by ©Diana Jillian

Travelling Blues

Travelling Blues


And so there is a story that speaks of a true tale
As the saying goes, “There’s no cure like travel.”
The only travel I seek, is a chance for a do-over
So I can be together; so I won’t be a complete ravel

But I do not wish for a do-over, I wish just for over
As I know this is not my life, It wasn't meant for me
When I do come across a set of crows, I can only hope
They are as good to me in such a way I could never be

Source Unknown

What if I ever stopped to even look for that bridge?
Should I cross that bridge once it has been found?
And if I see it, should I walk over it, or turn and run?
Or get myself a lighter and burn it down to the ground

What am I afraid of? What the hell am I afraid of?
And as darkness falls, who will be the last to fall?
I would be the one. First to fall; last to rise and see
The game is at stake, but I’d be the first to lose it all

Written by ©Diana Jillian 6/14/15, Sunday

Zen

Zen is a great way
To be when you're lost and to
Never forget you

©Diana Jillian

Year

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES





Yesterday I was a clueless me
Today I am a different me
What a difference a year makes

I was a scared little girl
Who thought she had friends
What a difference a year makes

I've learned my only allies
Are the ones that live with me
What a difference a year makes

I've discovered things about me
Things I've never known before
What a difference a year makes

When you feel you can't break free
If only you could turn around to see
What a difference a year makes

©Diana Jillian

X-Ray

I do not wish for X-ray vision
But I would like a glimpse into the mind
Some confuse me so badly
And I'd like to know what they're thinking
But then again....


Maybe that's a bad idea
Since I'm good at reading others anyway
To read minds and feel emotions
Would surely drive me insane
One is good enough

©Diana Jillian

Whatever

"I have not failed.  I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work"
Thomas Edison




When I say, "It is what it is," I don't need an argument
However, I need a friend that'll say, "Everything's alright."
As much as I want that, I know I'll never get that
Time keeps ticking, and I've still not found friends like me
Even though I am a wishful thinker, I need to cast it away
Vast waters engulfs me, telling me what I already know
Every-single-thing sends reminders I need to move on
Rightfully in the place of where I truly need to be

©Diana Jillian

Versatile

VERSATILE

Versatile is not my thing, although it can be
Every where I turn, I can't catch a break
Running away seems like fun, and then I realize
Sometimes you can't run away from your problems
And also the possibility that I am an grown up
Time is always a funny love/hate relationship
In a universe full of so much wonder undiscovered
Let us learn from other lessons instead of repeats
Every thing does turn out alright in the end, I believe.

©Diana Jillian

Universe

UNIVERSE

4.24.15

Unravel the closed up mind
Never settle for what you only see
In your childhood, you once believed
Vast amounts go beyond time and space
Everlasting souls emerge and are reborn
Reverse time back to your youth
See the universe for what it truly is
Everything is possible in your YOU-niverse

©Diana Jillian

Quiet

QUIET

Have you ever just wanted quiet???  Inside your head????  For me, it gets so loud in there...Here's a couple of haiku's on quiet...

*****QUIET*****

Quiet is never
Whatever it never seems
Quiet can be free

***********************************

Quiet can be loud
Rising above your own mind
Find your inner peace

©Diana Jillian

The One You Don't Know

A subtle gesture soon under attack
As though I am drowning in the lake
Drive through my heart the stake
"In leaves no step had trodden black"**

Far down to Miami from New York City
More like Sarasota but same difference
Even so, I still find it kind of shifty
More like it's a tragic kind of a pity
You don't see me hidden behind the fence

Time comes and goes; crashes into the shore
And yet, you never once ask me about my day
Instead my heart stops, crumbles to the floor
And you never ask me if there is anything more
Than a day shattered, and thrown far away

...And instead of awakening into the light
It's a shame we no longer stop to say, "Hello."
We stumble and fall; losing our step in flight
In the corner of your eye, never noticed in slight
The girl behind the fence that you didn't know

Written 10/5/14 by ©Diana Jillian

**Line from Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken....

~~DJ

I Didn't Ask

I DIDN'T ASK

Written by ©Diana Jillian 3/18/12

I didn't ask to be
Or maybe I did
If rebirth is true
Guess we'll never know

What exactly is
I see life

Death

Miracles

Something is there

Right?

This can't be it

Can it?

Confused

Depressed

Yet

Hopeful

Something will surface

Or not!

Maybe I want to know
Maybe I don't
The truth
Can help or hurt
Depending on
Which way you go

©Diana Jillian 3/18/12






(Poem) (Prose) (No Rhyme)

You Want Me To

YOU WANT ME TO

Written by ©Diana Jillian 3/18/12

You want me to believe
When you lie
Shame me
Guilt me
Guilt others

I'm not a puppet
Nor a robot
Last I checked
I'm human
With emotions
Not your amusement
Not someone to call
When needed

Not a servant
Nor a slave
Like my ancestors were

I will not perish
Will not rust

Think twice
Before using

Poem, Prose, No Rhyme,