Some Old Stuff

I'm looking at my USB and discovered I put a bunch of old poems I once had in a notebook, onto the computer.  I did not think I had my USB stick that long, but this could have very well came from this desktop computer I once had.

DJ


You’re just a stranger in the windy shadows to me
 I wish I had never met you
Can’t you let me be?
Then I wouldn’t be so sad
Why did you make it so complicated?
Why did you leave me?
These conversations are pointless
Why did you hurt me?
You treat everything like a joke
When I’m trying to be serious
If you think I’ll go back to you
Then you must be delirious

***

Sunday 11/1/98
Nicole

Sometimes I feel like I’ll never be sane
Like I’ll never be whole
Like I’ll always be the blame
You were my friend but now you’re my foe.
You were never my friend
Why do you hate me so?
I thought I could trust you
I thought that you cared
But when it came down to me
Your judgment was impaired
It seems like every time
I meet a new guy or a friend
They seem to stab me in the back
And tell me the end
Now I know I know I’m sane
I know I’m whole
I know I’m not the blame
Because you were telling jealous lies
And did nothing but despise
Now I know you were never my friend
And I’m telling you the end Foe friend

***

Today I was sad
But now I am glad
That I broke free
From all the pain you caused me
 You were nothing but trouble
You hop skipped on the double
You were free to roam
While I was forced to stay home
 You ran all around And f*cked every girl in town
I was nothing but your little toy
Taking care of our baby boy
 Now we are apart
And I feel in my heart
That I will be better
And live my life happily ever after

***

 All my pain and suffering in gone
I finally know where I belong
I took a drive in my car
 To figure out just how far
 I had to figure out what was going on
I now know where I belong
All my pain and suffering is now gone
I took a drive in my car
To figure out just how far

***

I was going to put up with
All of your bullsh*t
But then it hit
Me that you’re not worth it
So why bother?
I quit
There are plenty of guys out in this world
That would take a chance with this girl
Who will accept me for who I am
And no matter what I do
He’ll still be my man

***

Monday 1/26/98

Life is too short
You must go on to face the hurt
To find a new one that might
Cause you pain
You have nothing to lose
You have everything to gain
That’s the way things go in life
Don’t ask me why
All you have to do
Is just give life a try

***

 9/22/98

You were the biggest loser that I ever met
You were the only one that I couldn’t get
You were the most confusing lover I ever had
Your confusion f*cked me up and made me sad
Then you left the way like a shadow would at nightfall
But unlike a shadow, you hide from all
Oh well! F*ck it!
Don’t need you
Go find someone else
Make them sad and blue

***

Tuesday 12/8/98

I’m getting my life together
I’m proud of what I’ve done
I can finally feel some freedom in my accomplishments
Let’s see how far this goes
How far it will continue
I’ve had little encouragement along the way
But that’s OK
Because I’m doing it all on my own
In my accomplishments I finally found some freedom
I’m proud of what I’ve done
I’m getting my life together.

***

Sunday 2/7/99

I look like a kid
I look like my mom
But who am I?
What am I about?
I have my mom's eyes
I have my son’s inspiration
Who am I?
What am I about?
I have my fathers’ likes and dislikes
My brothers’ comments
My friends bravery and positive attitude
And I have my grandma's good wisdom
Who am I?
What am I all about?

***

7-7-99

Confusion has already sunk in for me
I don’t know what I’ll be doing
Or where I’ll be!
For one to be set off their course
Is just as easy as falling off their bike
Or horse
My thoughts have meanings
To all of my feelings
You can laugh and mock at the things I say and do
But I will be the one friend
Who will always be dear and true

***

24.9

24.9: Angelic Moments
Quote Romeo and Juliet
"Is it e'en so?  Then I defy you, stars!"

Include the words Surprise Pink
Picture:

Tied up with a dog chain, forbidden to chase my dreams, a surprise of pink colors still haunt me through my ever waking moment.  I had one chance--maybe two chances--to have those angelic moments most dream of.  But I got a high dose of the grass is always greener, and I wanted more.  I had gotten my blue surprise.  Why couldn't I have been blessed with a surprise pink?

In this world, I am meant to be a nothing.  No matter what I wish for, the Universe stops me in every way you can possibly imagine.  It takes all my strength not to...well, you know...on a daily basis.  I take on the weight of the world. I stress out too much and my blood pressure is on the rise.

My blood pressure, on the rise!  Can you imagine that? I've always had very low blood pressure.  But not anymore.  Not at least in the past four years now.  I don't know how to not stress.  I don't know how to get rid of my fat and ugliness.  Four years ago was a turning point, and now that I'm a year away from turning an age I'm not ready to be, I believe I'll never get that surprise pink dream I've always dreamed of.

It doesn't even have to be a surprise pink!  I'll settle for another blue!  I fear it may be too late for me. I dream now only of my final breath.  The day when this will all be over.  "Is it e'en so? Then I defy you, stars!"  I've tried to go with the flow of the Universe.  Every time I go against it, it never turns out right.  But then again, here I am going with the flow, and it's still not right.  I give up!

Written by ©Diana Jillian 8/2/16

**************************** 

 http://dianajmusings.blogspot.com/2016/07/249.html



DJ

~~

Battle Scars

The screams falls upon silence
She has no more left in her
Perhaps someday
But today isn't one of them

To find comfort is all for naught
For no one cares to notice her
No one cares about her feelings
Or whatever battles she has

She's left with battle scars
Something she wishes to erase
And become healed
To be like everyone else

Or at least the way they pretend
Because she doesn't know how
To play that kind of game
Maybe some day she'll learn

©DJ 11/18/15

DJ

X-Ray

I do not wish for X-ray vision
But I would like a glimpse into the mind
Some confuse me so badly
And I'd like to know what they're thinking
But then again....


Maybe that's a bad idea
Since I'm good at reading others anyway
To read minds and feel emotions
Would surely drive me insane
One is good enough

©Diana Jillian

I Didn't Ask

I DIDN'T ASK

Written by ©Diana Jillian 3/18/12

I didn't ask to be
Or maybe I did
If rebirth is true
Guess we'll never know

What exactly is
I see life

Death

Miracles

Something is there

Right?

This can't be it

Can it?

Confused

Depressed

Yet

Hopeful

Something will surface

Or not!

Maybe I want to know
Maybe I don't
The truth
Can help or hurt
Depending on
Which way you go

©Diana Jillian 3/18/12






(Poem) (Prose) (No Rhyme)

You Want Me To

YOU WANT ME TO

Written by ©Diana Jillian 3/18/12

You want me to believe
When you lie
Shame me
Guilt me
Guilt others

I'm not a puppet
Nor a robot
Last I checked
I'm human
With emotions
Not your amusement
Not someone to call
When needed

Not a servant
Nor a slave
Like my ancestors were

I will not perish
Will not rust

Think twice
Before using

Poem, Prose, No Rhyme,